The Internal Dilemma Between Chaos & Calm
In recent years within various TV series and films I have come to notice more and more narratives focusing on characters, particularly female characters, that struggle with the internal dilemma between chaos and calm. What I mean by that is essentially these characters we are watching tend to struggle with bringing chaos, disorder and wrong choices into their lives but also have this desire for stability or an easy & calm life. When really thinking about this I begin to wonder can we label this dilemma as the internal conflict between love and lust? On many levels, yes I think we can, however, there is something much deeper that remains to be explored by most viewers. By analyzing a set of films, I will try and uncover the purpose this duality plays in a number of narratives as it relates specifically to female characters but also how it relates to a number of different types of characters on many different levels.
It was after watching Endings, Beginnings (Drake Doremus, 2019) when I really started thinking about this concept because I personally empathized with Shailene Woodley’s character. Yes, the film itself wasn’t that great outside of her performance, but what really drew me to the film and her character was that struggle between chaos and calm or interchangeably love & lust. While most people probably didn’t like Daphne (Woodley) for making endless stupid and regretful mistakes, I could truly understand the dilemma she was having between her two love interests and more importantly the two lifestyles. Reeling from a bad recent break-up, Daphne finds herself adrift in life, like many of us in our 20s or even 30s. Living in her sister’s guesthouse, she regularly witnesses her sister and her brother-in-law fighting, which only exacerbates the once-idealistic Daphne’s growing despair regarding long-term love. Then, at a New Year’s party, Daphne meets Frank (Sebastian Stan) and Jack (Jamie Dornan). Both are extremely attractive to her, albeit in very different ways: one is the free-spirited bad boy, unpredictable, and always ready for adventure; the other is sober, intelligent, sensitive, and invested in his career as an academic. Unable to choose between these almost polar opposites, Daphne finds herself bouncing between them instead, enjoying the distinct ways each man sees her — it’s as though she’s auditioning different versions of herself and the life that might be waiting for her.
This film is a character study of a woman exploring who she is, what she could be, and how her choices impact those around her. Personally, I had similar struggles for most of my early and mid 20s and being on the outside looking in I could see the pain and destruction I had caused just as she did. For many people there comes a time in our lives when we are torn between two lifestyles or even two loves and a majority of people choose to easier or calm path. A lot of people are happy with the life and love they have chosen but for some the choice created a sense of longing for the other life. Sometimes people need to explore this other life but generally it comes at a cost of bringing chaos into their existing life and those around them.
Counter the character of Daphne to pretty much all the female characters in Vicky Cristina Barcelona (Woody Allen, 2008), both characters in the HBO series Run (2020), Rachel Weisz’s character in The Deep Blue Sea (Terence Davies, 2011), Kate Winslet’s character in Wonder Wheel (Woody Allen, 2017), Julia Roberts’ character in Closer (Mike Nichols, 2004) & Sarah Shahi’s character in the 2021 Netflix series Sex/Life we start to see a trend in this overwhelming sense of desire of a life outside of our own. With all of these characters we see the feeling of being lost in life erased by the entry of someone new and exciting. For Ginny (Kate Winslet) in Wonder Wheel, her life choices to settle down into a mediocre life has left her extremely unhappy but along comes Mickey (Justin Timberlake) and she is reignited. His youthful outlook on life has given her hope and excitement. Throughout film history it is obvious this dilemma between love and lust pulls at the emotions of viewers and makes for a great story but why? In my opinion it’s because it is something I can relate to and it helps me look inside myself and understand the reasons why I have done things in the past. It is honestly one of the great things about cinema, the simple fact a film can help you understand or try to understand yourself is just remarkable.
On a more philosophical level, why does this kind of dilemma exist and why is it something women in particular struggle with at some point in their 20s, 30s, 40s or even 50s? Is it societal pressures that push us (and by us I mean women) to have to decide between the two? In some ways, I would say yes absolutely because until fairly recently there has been this stigma that women need to be settled down by age 30-35 and all your ‘wild years’ are behind you. But sometimes, even into our mid-life we are still understanding who we are and what we want – just as we have seen on the silver screen. For example, the character of Billie (Sarah Shahi) in Sex/Life has recently found the missing link in her seemingly perfect life, which is lustful sex. After a hard break-up she meet the calm, level-headed and mature man she needed in order to settle down and have a life – and she did but there was something missing. She chose to bring chaos into her life and this created the dilemma we are shown throughout the (not great) series. There is a point in the series that talks about how the life / person that gives you the sense of security can’t also be the life / person that gives you the sense of thrill, excitement or lust. I think this rings true for a lot of the characters I’ve mentioned – and not to say that in some world you could have both but it is a rare gem to find and probably wouldn’t make for the best narrative. In reality Billie, Ginny and Daphne were women trying to make the choices they felt they needed to in order to fit in with society and the expectations it puts on women.
On the other side, men (and male characters) have their own struggles and societal pressures; and while this dilemma isn’t shown as often as the struggles of females in the world of cinema it is important that I call this out. Recently I saw this wonderfully portrayed in the 2013 Drake Doremus film Breathe In, where the male character, Keith (Guy Pearce) is struggling with his lust for his youthful glory days & having a stable-picturesque life in upstate New York. Similar to the Daphne character in Doremus later film Endings, Beginnings – we are shown a character adrift – lost in the life they are living and looking for another to grasp onto to get out. Keith (Pearce) gave up his career as a musician upon the arrival of his daughter and moved out of NYC with his family. The decision has plagued him most of his adult life and when the young, free-spirited Sophie (Felicity Jones) joins his family as an exchange student he begins to doubt his choices after seeing her carefree yet passionate persona. Like many stories, he is drawn to her as an outlet or a way out of his repetitive, organized and stable life. For many people, escapes or ‘ways out’ usually involve others as they tend to ignite the fire and bring passion back into their lives and Keith was no different. Like Daphne, we see both of these characters content in the calm lives they have created but as a viewer we can also see that there is something missing. For both Keith and Daphne this was bringing chaos into their lives in the form of lust, sex, adventure and lies.
Unfortunately, as in real life chaos generally brings about consequences and those are sometimes big or small. In a number of stories throughout film history we see the consequences our characters endure once the truth has been told but sometimes it is left to the viewer to interpret the outcome. For me, I generally try and look at the untold endings as a reflection of reality because even if the truth has been told – there is still a chance the duality exists within us. I think for a number of these characters, the dilemma would continue to linger in their minds for a long time as it does many of us but logic and reason will keep the actions on that dilemma at bay. Life will continue to be a choice between chaos, calm, love and lust but like our film characters, we will continue to make the choices we need to in order to survive.
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